I often hear people ask, “How do you leave an abusive relationship?” I have one easy answer to this question: quickly and quietly!
More important is what we carry on the way out. Far too often domestic abuse survivors bring into their exile enemies as dangerous as the batterer they left. And then they wonder why they are so fearful, depressed, empty and often times re-victimized by those who hold out a helping hand.
If you are anticipating leaving an abusive relationship, consider avoiding the three deadly mistakes that domestic abuse victims frequently make in seeking safety. Look at them below carefully and make a conscientious effort to build into your exit plan sound solid ways of dismantling the following:
, salvage your life and usher you into dignity, honoring and respect. All of these are an inside job. They are your job and can only be accomplished by you.
that your former partner will come around and maybe even apologize. Whose business is that? His/her apology and remorse has nothing to do with you; rather it has everything to do with him/her, only him/her.
. The psychological projection-whether blatant or subtle-will trip you up every time and interfere with new life emerging. Be mindful of the fact that our inner world creates our outer world. And if you maintain the abused status quo mindset, you will re-create victimization again and again.
I’m convinced that if you spend more time and energy on insuring that you don’t do these three deadly mistakes, your entrance into safety will read like the ending of a safe, satisfying happy fairytale.