Be encouraged that your life is not over, even though it may feel like it. A chapter in your life has come to an end, but a new chapter is beginning. If you are beginning the process, or still in the process of divorce you may feel overwhelmed. You may wonder if you have the strength and ability to get through this challenging, heart wrenching experience.
Take baby steps. In the beginning you may want to focus on getting through the next 6 hours, 12 hours, 24 hours, 2 days, 3 days, the week. As you get stronger, and you will. Maybe you break the process down into the tasks that need to be done.
The first survival step may be finding a counselor or therapist to talk to, telling your children, then telling family and friends, one spouse moving out, finding an attorney, filing for separation, the list goes on and on. Take it one step at a time.
Don’t get caught up in trying to figure out your future, worrying about what that is going to look like. For now, keep your focus on the present, getting through the next hours or days.
There are so many tasks, steps, things “to do” in the divorce process and none of them very pleasant. Some steps will be harder for you than others. As much as you can guard your mind, try to be aware of your thoughts. Think about what you are thinking about. Stop and ask yourself, “Are my thoughts defeating me or empowering me?”
During the divorce process you can easily slip into a negative thought pattern. Thoughts like;
My life is over…. I will never be happy again…. No one will ever want to marry me….I guess I will be alone the rest of my life….I am too scared to date…..How will I ever survive on my own?….How will I be able to take care of a home by myself?….Manage finances?….I will never be able to make enough money….How am I going to raise these kids on my own? and work? and take care of a house? take kids to their activities? afford college?…What issues will my kids have because of the divorce? The list is endless.
These negative thoughts limit you and your future. They lead to a hopeless defeated attitude. When you find yourself speaking/thinking negative thoughts, you need to acknowledge it and immediately change your thinking. It is so easy to let those negative thoughts in your head. Before you know it you are on a downward spiral ending in a pit of despair.
When those negative voices start feeding you lies, turn them around and replace them with positive affirmations. You may not even believe the statements. They may not be true right now. Speaking hope and what you desire will help bring it into being. What we focus on we empower.
Fill your mind with positive affirmations such as; I will survive my divorce and become a better person because of it. I am strong, confident, valuable, lovable, intelligent, attractive, happy, fun. I have plenty of money to live comfortably. I am financially secure. I have a lot to offer my children and the world. I am an overcomer. I make wise decisions. I have caring, supportive friends. I will remarry some day when the time is right. I have the courage, strength and ability to do whatever I need to do. My children will be okay. They will be responsible, more compassionate and stronger because of this experience.
If you allow the negative voices to take over, you will end up in a pit. It will take a lot of work to get yourself out of that pit, or you may just decide to stay there. Some people stay in the pit, miserable, angry, bitter, merely surviving, blaming divorce or their ex-spouse for ruining their life.
If you stop the negative voices and feed yourself positive affirming thoughts you will move forward. You will attract and create what you desire in your life. You will allow the doors of opportunity to open. You will let go of the past and make peace with your circumstances. You will have greater self confidence and make better choices.
How do you want to survive your divorce? Alive but in a pit or moving forward creating a new chapter in your life? I know you have a lot going on, but try to become more aware of your thoughts. For the next week, every time you hear the negative voices in your head telling you all of the things you are not. STOP! Turn those thoughts into positive affirmations. Write them down and post them where you can see them. Think about what you are thinking about. Make your thoughts positive and encouraging, even when it is hard.